The First One

I started seeing someone several months ago, we shall call him Mr. Man. He was good for me. Gave me the confidence I needed to be able to have a good experience to know for sure what I wanted out of dating and know that I am worthy of a decent time. In this respect, dating is MUCH easier this time around because I have self esteem that I didn't have in my 20's.

Let me say that I like Mr. Man. I could see a healthy serious relationship growing from it. But in that respect, it scares me. I am coming out of a very bad relationship that I was in for 17 years. One that belittled and disrespected me at every chance. Because of  that, I don't want a commitment let alone get close to the possibility of marriage. As a result, I have never told Mr. Man how I really feel about him. I am not good with expressing those types of feelings anyway. I have a very long track record of having those feelings used against me and I don't want yet another opportunity for someone to abuse me. NOT to say that Mr. Man would. But I am still in that mode that he is a potential individual to do that. And because I do like him, it would hurt more. However, because I haven't told Mr. Man how I feel he has now pulled back from me. We haven't seen each other in quite some time yet we still occasionally talk. If there is a chance to hang out, I will probably accept that. But it doesn't look as if there will be any casual dating with him at this time. And I am completely okay with that.